The final practice

Well, the Stains spent more than 6 hours yesterday running through the set.  They think they mostly know when each number starts and ends now, and even how some of the bits in the middle go.  If not, it’s a bit late really.  Tomorrow, the Nottingham contingent will load up drums, guitars, amps etc and trek the 160 or so miles up north, to be welcomed with hot food and beer.  The PA is organised, thanks to Simon.  Kate is looking after the decoration.  Andy is sorting out a raffle.  And on Saturday evening, those discerning Burton residents who have decided to have a bit of fun and support the band, as well as the Parish Plan, will flock to the Village Hall – some of them not even bothering with a disguise – to witness the Stains bestriding the landscape like a rock colossus.

One, possibly disappointing, piece of news: at the last minute, it has been decided not to do a cover of “Two Little Boys”.  Shame!  Was this ever an option?  Er… no.

What about the music?

With only a fortnight to go before the farewell gig, people who don’t know the Stains keep asking what kind of music the band will play.  This might be considered essential information by those who find the terms ‘rock’ or ‘pop’ too imprecise, recognise that one person’s idea of ‘fun’ is another’s purgatory, or, for reasons best known to themselves, are reluctant to commit to parting with money, even in a good cause.  Well, like a bride’s dress, the details of the Stains’ set are a closely guarded secret.  Even the members of the band find it hard to remember all the numbers.  But, we’ll try to help…

The music will be an eclectic mix of tunes from the 1950s to the noughties.  So it will include a few old standards as well as ones that people under 30 will know (at least in their original form).  If you listen to Radios 1 or 2, you’ll be fairly safe; most of the numbers are played, at one time or another, on those stations - but probably not on Radio 4 and definitely not on Radio 3.  The majority are in 4:4 time.  The lyrics range from the banal to the incomprehensible and cover fascinating themes like unrequited love, requited love, boy meets girl, rock ‘n’ roll, disaster and some we’re not too sure about.  Hope that helps.  Now – go and buy a ticket before they all sell out.

Are you ready for the sound of the Stains?

Tickets are going like hot-cakes for the 24^th November; one sold just the other day.  What kind of people are taking this massive leap of faith?  Extensive research suggests that buyers meet at least two of the following criteria:

 

·        They are generally aged somewhere between 17 and 70, give or take a bit;

·         Surprisingly, they have a fondness for music;

·         They are convinced that, where there’s music there will be dancing;

·         They are keen to support Burton’s parish plan;

·         They have probably lost the plot.

 

If you, or someone you love, possesses any of the above attributes, what are you waiting for?

Tickets released!

Tickets going for Burton

Tickets for the 24^th November are now on sale in Burton’s Village Shop, Multimedia Shop and Punch Bowl, priced at a mere £7.00.  "This is a bargain", said someone.  Due to the likely high demand, you are urged to get in quick.  Payment by cash, or cheque made payable to ‘Burton ppt’.
 

Burton in Lonsdale Village Hall
Nov 24 2012 Doors Open 8.15pm	Burton ppt in association with Flaky Rock presents THE STAINS www.newstains.blogspot.co.uk		Ticket SAMPLE
	Admit One Floor Area Only	£7.00

Doors will open on the night at 8.15pm and seats will not be allocated - so get there early.  It is suggested you may enjoy the band even more if you've had a couple of drinks first.  So bring your favourite tipple and settle down for an interesting evening*.  Dress optional; that nice floral print frock with the Doc Martins will be just fine.

*Let's face it, what's likely to be on TV that night?  X-Factor?  Strictly Come Dancing?  No competition really - particularly when you consider a) that this really is a one-off opportunity to see the Stains and b) it's going to help Burton in Lonsdale.  But if the music isn't your cup of tea, make a donation instead of buying a ticket.

Wrong sort of Stains?

The endearing, unmistakable, British Stains.

There are few things worse than a mixture of Stains; it can get really messy.  But it seems there is another set out there.  A Google search of ‘The Stains’ produces several mentions of what is a, probably extinct, US hardcore punk rock band.  Sorry about that; it’s almost as bad as having two copies of ‘Girls Aloud’.

We trust there is little chance of confusion, given the endearing quality of the recently revived UK band’s music.  And, so far as we can tell, there is no other band of the same name playing in Burton in Lonsdale on 24^th November.  But what will this mean for the rumoured US tour?  Could it go to court?  A representative of the band commented that the US tour was just press gossip and that the Burton gig will in all likelihood be the culmination of the Stains’ (the UK ones) farewell tour, as previously reported.  “There is a snowball’s chance in hell that the name will be changed.  By all means sue us – but prove we didn’t get there first anyway.  Besides, the other lot are almost certainly congressmen or accountants by now.”

Too old to rock 'n' roll?

This man is the victim of
a rock 'n' roll lifestyle

The ravages of time and what-not take their toll.  In the world of rock, they can have a devastating effect.  Music, at least, is pretty timeless; if it makes you smile, or moves you in some way, it doesn’t matter whether your taste is Elgar, Puccini, Sinatra or ZZ Top.  Yet this quality of immortality – and, it must be said, youth - must make the time and what-not stuff harder for the rock musician who can’t find his car keys to get to the gig, or remember whether he locked the house and put the cat out.

But they’re all still at it, you know (except the ones that aren’t) – belting out the numbers, slicing out searing guitar riffs and posing for all they’re worth.  Pete Townsend, Roger Daltry, Ray Davies (or is it Ken Dodd?), Robert Plant, Stevie Wonder, McCartney, Dylan and the Strolling Bones all continue to strut their stuff, to name but a few.  Oh – and, er, Cliff Richard… Did I also hear someone mention the Beach Boys, who appeared on Jools Holland’s show recently?  The “Bar Bar Bar, Bar Barbara Ann’s” sounded pretty good anyway…

Alice Cooper (though no doubt upset by the Ryder Cup result) is launching his ‘Halloween Night of Fear’ event in Cardiff shortly.  Status Quo will be in Blackpool on 13^th December, trying not to forget where they put those three chords, supported by Eddie & the Hot Rods with Bonnie Tyler – interesting combination – if she’s not still lost in France.  And the Moody Blues have sufficient faith in survival to advertise a tour starting in June 2013; there’s confidence for you.

The Stains are younger than all of the above.  Probably.

Not just any old gig

24th November is no ordinary gig.  It may be the last opportunity to hear the Stains – and they haven’t played together for five years anyway.  So, good folk of Burton in Lonsdale, aim for an unforgettable, fun-packed, evening.  And the guys will try their best not to disappoint!

But the event is also special because the band has come together especially for Burton, in aid of the Parish Plan.  It is not receiving any performance fee and three of the members don’t even live in the parish.

The process of forming a parish plan obviously costs money. Burton’s Parish Planning Team work voluntarily, but printing, materials, refreshments, bookings and so on all add up.  It is intended to meet the costs through a combination of grants and fund-raising.  The gig on 24^th is part of this and, if all tickets are sold, this may go some way to paying for the cost of the Consultation Day, or the questionnaire.  For more information on the Parish Plan, click HERE.

If you want to support the cause but just don’t like pop-rock music, you can still make a cash donation; this will keep the tickets, which will be limited, for those that want them – and the parish will still benefit.